Some poems, and stories, and essays of mine are not ready to be written because they concern other people too directly. It’s a pity, because I’m sure they would be rich, and dark, and searingly honest. I know some people write memoirs and let the chips fall where they may, but for me it would feel wrong to write really raw stuff specifically about people who are still alive.
Part of my decision is based on fear, I know. The fears many of us have about confronting sources of our deep and sometimes illogical terrors. I’m all about trying to face my fears more often, but I also know my own limits and know that pushing certain things would harm people who don’t have the capacity to deal with it.
I’ve sometimes been advised to write pieces and simply not share them with anyone–don’t read them, don’t submit them, don’t self-publish them. Occasionally I do write some things for a recovery activity or when working with some kind of counselor. In general, though, I feel frustrated at the idea of writing things I am supposed to keep secret.
It doesn’t make sense. Journaling is so highly recommended for creative types; why can’t I get on board with private writing? Is it that I have a hard time giving myself permission to create without some small chance of it enriching others? Or is it just ego?
2 thoughts on “The Things I Must Not Write”
As you may know, I err on the side of saying too much. I understand your concern about hurting others by publicly sharing writing that is about them. But, journaling does not hurt them. It hurts you to think that you must keep those secrets so deeply hidden from yourself. Please do try journaling and private poetry writing for yourself, for your own healing. You need not protect people who’ve hurt you. Not from your own thoughts and feelings. Those are yours to express. In private at the very least.
I write so many things in private. It helps so much. I keep a different blog and it is set to private so that my family won’t accidentally run across it like they would a notebook or a file on my computer at home.