I drifted away from recovery meetings during the pandemic. I said Zoom gave me a headache, and didn’t feel real. And because I’m socially awkward, I didn’t reach out individually to recovery friends. And because I felt sheepish about being absent, I dreaded going back and having people ask where I’d been.
Well, I’ve been to two meetings since I talked about it in my last post. There I met people who were coming to the meeting after a long day at work. People who were toting their toddlers and dealing with the frustration of having to step in and out of the meeting. People whose loved ones were sick or dying. People who’d just lost a beloved pet. All of them had one thing in common: they were putting recovery first.
I feel humbled. I see that these people have what I once had; what I’ve lost. Between all my good work in writing my book and other outreach things, I’ve forgotten the simplicity of being just an addict, just showing up and hoping to win one more day clean, grateful to make coffee at a meeting.
I need to change my priorities. As I move forward into fledgling attempts at marketing my book and working on the next, recovery needs to come first. I have to rediscover that the principles I connect with at meetings are what let me see beyond the bullshit in my head so I can write.